10 Years of Journaling
Should I transcribe, burn or simply enjoy the nostalgia?
Welcome to, from the desk of Rachel Leeke!
I share weekly on love + travel, including tidbits for the adventurous life you deserve.
You can read my latest, a poem on the Center here, or the entirety of my work here.
2024 marks ten years since I started journaling.
I’ve never been one to pick up my book every day. To be quite honest, some years I’ve gone long stretches - months even - without touching my journal. But I know it is always there, waiting to hold my truest, most confusing, often hilarious, but always sincere thoughts.
When curious, I’ve read individual entries, but mostly, I’ve held no interest in journeying back in time and reading through the years. I’m content with allowing the life-filled pages of these vessels to dot my desk space, bookshelves, and the occasional window sill.
In recent months I’ve gathered all of my journals with me, and now I feel pulled to give them some attention. I’d love to hear opinions on what to do next. What would you do with 10 years worth of history?
Should I create a digital copy by transcribing the passages or simply read them cover to cover and cringe at my young, endearing self? Maybe I’ll toss them into a bonfire and watch the past swirl away in a plume of smoke (CAN YOU IMAGINE?!?)
Leave your feedback in the comments if it’s something outside of the choices below.
While organizing the stack, I found a passage I want to share with you.
2018 was a year of incredible change for me. I moved three times, lived in two states, and was desperately searching for the connective tissue between what felt like several individual strands of my life.
There was a lot of confusion and a lot of tears. I realize, now, how fortunate I was to have a community, both distant and near, during that time of upheaval.
It’s still a practice to hug and hold the parts of me that aren’t shiny and polished—the pieces that are 100% human and not a lick cyborg—parts that are uncertain and in need of support. Even the self-critical part of me yearns for warmth and understanding because it, too, is only seeking to protect.
Some things change. Thankfully, some never do.
I know you, too, are trying so hard. Looking to make a way, maybe do something never done before in your family, and eager to leave your mark on the world.
Reminder: I don’t need to have it all together in order to deserve love.
And neither do you.
I wish you peace today and always,
R.
June 14th, 2018
My anxiety got the best of me and I couldn’t stay in Linda’s basement for trivia. Its overwhelming sometimes. And then the Wendy’s I had made me feel shitty. Sometimes I feel so lost. I want more than anything to add value to the world. There’s a book in me I know it1. I want to make my mom proud. I want to help. It’s a unique pressure/burden to feel like you must outperform.
More than anything, I want to stop crying. If I knew why I was crying, maybe I can make it stop. Things that make me sad and their resolution. There is a resolution to everything. It all won’t come at once. I need to focus on the obstacle right in front of me. But not allow it to get me down. Stop throwing a pity party for myself. Grandma would just fight back. Look for the small wins that will keep me in the game.
TODAY’S TIDBIT:
The cherry blossoms at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden are in peak bloom as we head into the first week of May. Check out the CherryWatch before you visit to know exactly where to go for the floral display.
COMMUNITY CORNER:
📱
details the screen time practices of the rising generation in, “30% of Children 5-7 are on TikTok.”👩🏾🤝👩🏿 “Romancing friendships” is a pastime of mine. It’s nice to read a piece that feels like it came from my heart, albeit
’s hands.☁️ My nervous system was a lot calmer by the end of “Stay soft, I wrote.” The swan banner was just the icing on the cake,
.LET ME KNOW:
Do you keep a journal? If so, for how long now?
Is the voice of your inner critic loud, chill, or on mute today?
I was encouraged to write a letter to the Rachel of 10 years ago. Have you ever written to a former self?
What’s your favorite thing to do when having a hard day?
More Writing :
Wow.
Reading journal entries from a past self is kind of therapeutic. It’s always cringy and sometimes heartbreaking, but it’s always a reminder that you’re still here and you made it through something that you thought would swallow you whole. It’s an opportunity to hug all of your selves.
Keep the journals! I was talking to a friend recently about this and we both noticed how we've been writing the same stuff for years, over and over. It's good to see how you get yourself through the challenges, there are always slight variations and growth, I think.