Books I recommend by women; two collections of stories, one by Alice Munro called Hateship Friendship Courtship Loveship Marriage, one by Lucia Berlin called A Manual for Cleaning Women and the novel by Toni Morrison called Sula. I think it's so great that you're reading books, I find lately I can't read more than a few pages at a time but want to get back into it.
Thanks so much for sharing. I am familiar with Sula as I read it in high school but haven’t picked it up since and added the other two to my TBR list. Honestly it’s been YEARRRRSSSSS since I’ve read as consistently as I am now but I figure aiming for one a month is good pacing and I like the challenge of squeezing one more in.
Well it's inspiring! And Sula... pick it up! I hadn't read it since high school (college?) either but it really hit me and stayed with me so many years later and now I just always recommend.
Three things, Rachel. First, thanks for sharing that post. I appreciate. Second, on "How do you recharge when tired?" there's simply no secret to resting, you just have to stop doing what's making you tired and exhausted, at least for a while. And now to your discussion...
This idea of viewing listening as an act of surrender is such an important one. You listen - to yourself and others - without any preconceived notions, you wait for what comes next; you surrender the power of action.
Listening is hard because it involves surrender. Like love, it is an act of "weakness". You aren't in control; it's not just up to you. We don't like this, especially if we grew up knowing it was all on us, knowing that we had to take charge.
We'll have to learn many things, and this art of surrender is one of them, for not knowing it is to alienate everyone, including ourselves.
Ooooohhh yes! That last part about not letting it alienate ourselves is so key. I tend to think I can beat my inner knowing and when that doesn’t happen 🙃 I feel so defeated and a little bit humiliated within myself.
I’d do well to remember surrendering is for my own good so as not to sustain any further damage.
I feel like the came at the perfect time for me. I have been dealing with the same exhaustion and trying to work around it, through it, whatever it may be. Thank you for this!
Glad to know I’m not the only one. That part about endeavoring to “work around it” is especially heinous🥲 why are we like this? We deserve rest. I hope you take time for yourself as I aim to do the same.
Listening requires being able to regulate myself at the pace the person you are listening to is communicating. And then I have to maintain that mental state whilst not containing my self. To me that’s absolutely hard, because I’ve never had the time not to move or not to engage. And that goes hand in hand with finding time to rest, so I absolutely feel with what you are writing about. Thank you for sharing.
Listening is hard work! When we take a back seat to anything regulation is so hard - we tell ourselves to focus outward even while things are going on inward. Thank you for connecting that physiological bit. It’s so important to remember listening is a dance.
“Hunger” was so good. Last year I read “Writers and Lovers” by Lily King and really enjoyed it. Reading is a constant for me, but it ebbs and flows in terms of how much and how fast I’m reading. There have been long stretches where I found it really difficult to get into anything. So happy when I’m in an avid reading season. And when I’m not, I know it will be back!
I devour anything by Roxane Gay. She is a phenomenal writer.
I’ve experienced the same ebb and flow when it comes to writing, especially when I was in school reading for pleasure was NOT a thing at all because I was burnt out from academic reading.
Two of my favorite lines from the piece. Simple and straightforward.
Here’s the truth: I am tired. I need to rest.
TLDR: my productivity does not determine my worth.
It's so easy for us mere humans to get caught up in the things we think we "should" do when resting. Thanks for highlighting the importance of both of these. We're only human and need rest and are worthy of it. Something I like to remind myself of when resting is that while we may not be productive in the production of something 'tangible', we are being productive in taking care of ourselves.
Ooooh one of my favorite women authors I've read this year is Nichole Perkins who wrote "Sometimes I Trip on How Happy We Could Be" I love a good book of raw and honest essays and this was it!
I love this post, one of the ways I have tried to be the "Change that I want to see" has been through a personal commitment to stepping up my listening. I view it as a small but intimate way to show someone they're important, even if the topic is trivial. Stepping up my listening to others has not been easy, but its coming along well. Listening to myself has been the bigger challenge, so I'm sending you positive affirmations and solidarity.
I never considered the act of practicing listening is not only to others but to ourselves. I never really saw that as apart of listening but we do and it’s probably the best way we can bring to practice that yielding… that slowing down to understand. Thank you for this. And the poem Tiny I love!
I’m glad you enjoyed! You also have such a pretty name, Jourdana. I’ve never encountered it spelt that way before. To your point, yes listening to ourselves is a practice just like listening to anyone else. To me the act is a lot harder within the self simply because it’s so easy to bulldoze my needs - often rest or hunger - in favor of meeting deadlines and ambitions. It takes lots of intention to be well 😩. Ya girl just wants to lay on a beach and read and write 😂
I always recommend A Place For Us by Fatima Fahreen Mirza. I reread it every year. And with each read, a new version of me mourns and celebrates. It’s pretty incredible to grow alongside the same words.
Books I recommend by women; two collections of stories, one by Alice Munro called Hateship Friendship Courtship Loveship Marriage, one by Lucia Berlin called A Manual for Cleaning Women and the novel by Toni Morrison called Sula. I think it's so great that you're reading books, I find lately I can't read more than a few pages at a time but want to get back into it.
Thanks so much for sharing. I am familiar with Sula as I read it in high school but haven’t picked it up since and added the other two to my TBR list. Honestly it’s been YEARRRRSSSSS since I’ve read as consistently as I am now but I figure aiming for one a month is good pacing and I like the challenge of squeezing one more in.
Well it's inspiring! And Sula... pick it up! I hadn't read it since high school (college?) either but it really hit me and stayed with me so many years later and now I just always recommend.
Three things, Rachel. First, thanks for sharing that post. I appreciate. Second, on "How do you recharge when tired?" there's simply no secret to resting, you just have to stop doing what's making you tired and exhausted, at least for a while. And now to your discussion...
This idea of viewing listening as an act of surrender is such an important one. You listen - to yourself and others - without any preconceived notions, you wait for what comes next; you surrender the power of action.
Listening is hard because it involves surrender. Like love, it is an act of "weakness". You aren't in control; it's not just up to you. We don't like this, especially if we grew up knowing it was all on us, knowing that we had to take charge.
We'll have to learn many things, and this art of surrender is one of them, for not knowing it is to alienate everyone, including ourselves.
Ooooohhh yes! That last part about not letting it alienate ourselves is so key. I tend to think I can beat my inner knowing and when that doesn’t happen 🙃 I feel so defeated and a little bit humiliated within myself.
I’d do well to remember surrendering is for my own good so as not to sustain any further damage.
Thank you for your wisdom, Patrick.
I feel like the came at the perfect time for me. I have been dealing with the same exhaustion and trying to work around it, through it, whatever it may be. Thank you for this!
Glad to know I’m not the only one. That part about endeavoring to “work around it” is especially heinous🥲 why are we like this? We deserve rest. I hope you take time for yourself as I aim to do the same.
So true!! I hope you feel better/well rested soon! 🤍
Listening requires being able to regulate myself at the pace the person you are listening to is communicating. And then I have to maintain that mental state whilst not containing my self. To me that’s absolutely hard, because I’ve never had the time not to move or not to engage. And that goes hand in hand with finding time to rest, so I absolutely feel with what you are writing about. Thank you for sharing.
Listening is hard work! When we take a back seat to anything regulation is so hard - we tell ourselves to focus outward even while things are going on inward. Thank you for connecting that physiological bit. It’s so important to remember listening is a dance.
“Hunger” was so good. Last year I read “Writers and Lovers” by Lily King and really enjoyed it. Reading is a constant for me, but it ebbs and flows in terms of how much and how fast I’m reading. There have been long stretches where I found it really difficult to get into anything. So happy when I’m in an avid reading season. And when I’m not, I know it will be back!
I devour anything by Roxane Gay. She is a phenomenal writer.
I’ve experienced the same ebb and flow when it comes to writing, especially when I was in school reading for pleasure was NOT a thing at all because I was burnt out from academic reading.
I’m glad I’m in a place to do it for fun now.
Inevitable success. Those two words pair so beautifully together.
Recharging for me looks like massages and guilt free scrolling. It allows my mind and body to slow down and listen internally.
Massages are a whole love language ☯️💆🏾♂️
Two of my favorite lines from the piece. Simple and straightforward.
Here’s the truth: I am tired. I need to rest.
TLDR: my productivity does not determine my worth.
It's so easy for us mere humans to get caught up in the things we think we "should" do when resting. Thanks for highlighting the importance of both of these. We're only human and need rest and are worthy of it. Something I like to remind myself of when resting is that while we may not be productive in the production of something 'tangible', we are being productive in taking care of ourselves.
The “shoulds” always try to get in the way don’t they 😅?
And you’re right being productive in taking care of our selves saves us from a bigger break down later.
Thank you for your insight Shailla and so am glad you enjoyed the read.
Thanks for this. I’ve added some books to my list.
They’re all fabulous. I hope you enjoy, Jason 😊
Ooooh one of my favorite women authors I've read this year is Nichole Perkins who wrote "Sometimes I Trip on How Happy We Could Be" I love a good book of raw and honest essays and this was it!
*adds to TBR list* Thanks for sharing!
I love this post, one of the ways I have tried to be the "Change that I want to see" has been through a personal commitment to stepping up my listening. I view it as a small but intimate way to show someone they're important, even if the topic is trivial. Stepping up my listening to others has not been easy, but its coming along well. Listening to myself has been the bigger challenge, so I'm sending you positive affirmations and solidarity.
Thanks Stanley, all the best practices begin with the self. I’m so excited to see how the journey evolves.
I never considered the act of practicing listening is not only to others but to ourselves. I never really saw that as apart of listening but we do and it’s probably the best way we can bring to practice that yielding… that slowing down to understand. Thank you for this. And the poem Tiny I love!
I’m glad you enjoyed! You also have such a pretty name, Jourdana. I’ve never encountered it spelt that way before. To your point, yes listening to ourselves is a practice just like listening to anyone else. To me the act is a lot harder within the self simply because it’s so easy to bulldoze my needs - often rest or hunger - in favor of meeting deadlines and ambitions. It takes lots of intention to be well 😩. Ya girl just wants to lay on a beach and read and write 😂
Lucille Clifton is beaming at you
I’ll take it 😌, I hope you’re well, Camille.
I always recommend A Place For Us by Fatima Fahreen Mirza. I reread it every year. And with each read, a new version of me mourns and celebrates. It’s pretty incredible to grow alongside the same words.
I always hear about that book. I need it on my shelf now. Thank you for the suggestion.