Knowing Thy Self

There's nothing wrong with second thinking

Hello, hi, it's mid-October!

I haven't pulled out any wool socks yet, but New England's autumn is doing its thing. The air is chill, the leaves are beautiful, and sports abound.

Bae and I caught the Red Sox's last home game, so that's off our to-do list, and we hit Gillette stadium to watch the Revolution—A1 experience. We yell "Chancalay" often now. The mid-fielder was a fan favorite.

Both teams lost 😃

In other news, we're in our final two weeks of living in Massachusetts, and I may or may not have packed a box or two.

Sayonara, Burlington!

Free birds have to fly. Change has a way of forcing reflection. I'm giving thanks for how far I've come. It is a blessing to always to have somewhere to go next.

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The other day, while scrolling, I was caught off guard by my damn self.

I was winding down after returning home for the evening. My coat rests on a hanger stashed in the front closet, and I'd kicked off my shoes moments earlier. I made no subtlety of my exhaustion and laid out starfish style on the living room floor.

After hoisting my phone above my head, I tilted back and stared at passing images.

One was a carousel of a social event.

There was music, fancy attire, and the usual party fair, and I thought, "wow, I wish I had more of that."

Not even five seconds later, I said to no one, "Actually, I don't."

Yes, a night out of that scale looks super enticing compared to my *looks around* regularly scheduled programming, but in reality, I don't want more of that.

I love being a homebody. I enjoy the comfort of routines, and consistency brings me so much solace. I become giddy if I call it a night earlier than expected and am all about double blanket snuggles. I am introverted. I know this. I need loads of time to recover after social events and find nothing about a crowd relaxing.  

I imagine this part of me - the one that kept makeup-removing wipes in my car's center counsel so I could be one layer removed from an event when my car's engine turns over – responded so clearly.

I don't need more. I need to savor the craisin-size presence I've assigned it in my life. 

A sweet spot but not something I build my life around.  

Cheers to knowing myself. And being able to say no.

Let me know when you last checked yourself 😂.

I wish you the comfort, feels, and gentleness of a thousand rose petals.

Love,

R.